By Christine McPheter
Today’s world is filled with challenges for families. Parents unprepared for parenthood, changing social norms and expectations, economic difficulties, increasing peer pressure, and COVID disturbances. Together they are escalating family problems and straining many families to the breaking points.
A family is a place of warmth when the world is cold;
a place of safety when the world is hostile;
a place of light when the world is dark. Family ties quotes
Successful parents are: those who realize that the hopes and dreams they have for their children won’t just happen. They have to work for them!
Successful parents also have discovered five simple, yet essential things each of us, as parents, needs to know and do if our dreams for our children are to be realized.
They are:
- Strengthen relationships through family activities.
- Establish reasonable rules and expectations.
- Build self-esteem.
- Set achievable goals.
- Evaluate family strengths and needs.
Strengthen relationships through family activities.
Nearly all research on the family agrees on one thing: the quality of the relationships you have with your children is the single most important influences in their lives.
Yet, research also shows that the average parent spends less than 10-60 minutes a day talking with each child. Much of that talking is harsh, judgmental and critical. The kind of communication that destroys relationships. That’s the bad news.
A recent poll in the UK of 2,000 parents shows that even though they spend more than eight hours a day together, families talk for less than 10 per cent of their time together.
Here is the breakdown:
- Before school: Nine minutes
- After school: 14 minutes
- Dinner time: 11 minutes
- Bedtime: 10 minutes
Total time talking with children: Only 64 minutes
https://www.schoolholidayshop.com/2017/11/03/how-much-time-do-parents-spend-talking-to-their-children/
https://www.studyfinds.org/american-families-spend-37-minutes-quality-time/
The good news is that whatever the condition of your relationships with your children, in most cases you can make it better. But you have to work at it. The only way to find time for relationships building activities is by making time.
The good intentions of parents aren’t good enough. Gifts, words of love and promises are nice, but children need attention of the parents. Giving them positive, undivided attention shows genuine love and strengthens relationships. Children are shown sincere interest by parents that read to them, teach them skills, and listen to their thoughts and concerns.
Establish reasonable rules and expectations.
Some parents don’t understand the need for rules and expectations in a family. Children raised without rules and with little or no supervisions are at higher risk for delinquency and other negative behaviors.
More is not always better. When parents are either too strict or not strict enough, problems can arise. Finding the middle ground in rules is one of the major challenges in parenthood. Children follow rules easier if they have and understanding of them and may have agreed in their need.
Parent who apply rules in a harsh, inflexible, critical or dictatorial manner weaken relationships with their children. Parents who approach rules in an understanding, fair, supportive and participative way strengthen those relationships by building love, trust and mutual respect.
https://www.familyeducation.com/life/discipline-strategies/12-disciplinary-elements
Build self-esteem.
Growing up can be hard on kids. COVID has been hard on kids. Their self-esteem suffers when they are rejected, ridiculed or criticized by their friends. Home should be a haven, a place where self-esteem is nurtured. Unfortunately, for many kids home often is a beginning of self-esteem problems. Children believe you when you tell them they’re bad or stupid, or when you belittle their abilities or put down their ideas. Your actions become part of the way they see themselves.
Labeling, name calling or using emotionally abusive words destroy self-esteem. And children with low self-esteem have a hard time resisting peer pressure, because they’re insecure and don’t want to left out.
If you have any doubts about what you are doing or saying to a child, ask yourself, “Would I do or say this to a friend?”
Second, replace “put downs” with lots of praise and encouragement. But you must be specific so your child will know exactly WHAT HE OR SHE DID RIGHT. Praise children for the good grades on the report cards rather than criticizing for the poor grades.
You must be sincere with praise, children won’t believe your praise if you aren’t sincere. Help them succeed in school and activities through aid and encouragement.
https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/how-to-build-your-childs-self-esteem/
Set achievable goals.
Goals can help family members make right decisions at crucial moments by helping them make the right decisions at crucial moments by helping them to remember their plans and dreams. They need to see parents setting goals and dreams and have a chance to help set family goals.
Kids who have goals and plans for the future are less likely to get involved in activities that are self-destructive. Effective goals have to be developed with children. It doesn’t work to impose them. You need to talk about and agree on them. Goals must be achievable. While goals should cause children to reach and stretch and grow, setting unachievable goals only creates frustration, which destroys self-esteem.
Evaluate family strengths and needs.
Successful families find that regularly evaluating their family’s strengths and needs, examining where they’ve been and where they are going, is an important part of raising successful children. This includes asking some tough questions, including:
What success are we having?
What problems need attention?
What plans or actions will solve these problems?
https://www.teachingei.org/families/09-family-assessment.php https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/assessment/family-assess/parentalneeds/strengthsandconnections/ http://www.dcf.ks.gov/Agency/KCWPTP/Documents/Module4/Module%204%20HO%2012_170126.pdf
Thoughts to Remember
By investing time, energy and love into making these five points a part of your family’s life, you can boost your children’s chances for success. You can increase the probability that your dreams as parents for them will be realized. And while you’re working on your dreams, remember, never Say “all is well” or “all is lost” when raining kids. And never give up. Because the only time you lose with a child, is when you quit.
Family
Submitted By: CrottyKid
There’s a special kind of closeness
that only families know,
That begins with childhood trust
and deepens as you grow.
There’s a special kind of happiness
in sharing little things,
The laughter, smiles, and quiet talks
that daily living brings.
There’s a special kind of comfort
in knowing your family’s there,
To back you up, to cheer you up
to understand and care.
Of all the treasures life may bring,
your family means the most,
And whether near or far apart,
That love will hold you close.
Author: (by Glenda Campbell)
https://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/22793.html
